Nov.01

At the Core of it All

As I shared a few weeks ago, 2015 has not necessarily been the best for me.  I have had ups and downs with trying to keep to task.  I have tried, God only knows how many ways, to get this train of mine back on track.  To say it has been a stuggle is an understatement.

I started on this path of self discovery and reinvention at the tail end of 2012.  I rushed forward with a passion and an excitement that could not be sated as I reconnected to my love of writing and painting.  

This in turn lead me to start seriously pursuing my dreams, my goals with the hope of one day making them my career.  I met people, began networking and the advice started flowing.  As did  the deadlines and time frames started  shortening.  And then it became…
Have you submitted here…
Have you tried writing this…
You need to get this done…connect to this…sign up for that…

And for me the pressure built making it, less about the work itself and more about all the extras.  Suddenly fitting in  all the extras in began to overtake everything else.

The art and writing I reconnected to…that I loved, became swallowed by the burden of taking my self to the next level.  It had stretched me thin and the fun and excitement was gone. 

It was in this mindset, numbed out and fried, that I sat watching TV with my husband.  We began watching a T.D. Jakes sermon, where he spoke about transformation and getting back to the core of who you are meant to be.  Mr. Jakes noted that to get to your core,  “You can either cut to get at it or rot to it.”  Hearing those words was like having a film lifted off my eyes and suddenly being able to see clearly again.

image

I was allowing all the other stuff, the extra noise, to rot around the core of what I was meant to be doing.  It was killing my inspiration, my drive, my passion. 

On this path to making a dream a career I have to continue to refocus and realign to the heart of it all.  I love being a storyteller, whether it is in the form of paint on canvas or words on the page.  That is what comes first and foremost.  It is the core of what and who I am.

I share this for anyone who has had a year like mine.  Remember the reason why you started.  Hold to that and you will find your way.

Self Discovery,Challenges,Motivation,Writing,Quotes,On Writing,Art,Artist

May.19

The Octopus Rises…

Dear Constant Reader,

Its been almost a month since my last post, but that is not from a lack of want.  The realities of my day to day life seem to outweigh my artistic vision from time to time.  And while I would love to proclaim that I am a die hard member of the Hustler’s Team No Sleep, I can not.  There are some things that must take precedence over others.  It took me a while to stop trying to fit the “I’ll rest when I make it” ideal into my life.  My day job, which is crucial to my being able to help take care of my family, cannot be done bleary-eyed and fuzzy brained.  Some may say if I wanted the dream bad enough I would make it all work.  I say you don’t slight one aspect of your life to shove in another.

I am still far from being what I want to be, but with God’s help I shall succeed. Vincent Van Gogh

My mantra to make it through my day to day is…Patience and Faith

Patience in the belief that all thing will come in their own due time and faith that the fruits of my labors will  come to pass.

I have no doubt that one day I will be able to maintain and support my family with my writing career.  But, as much as I wish it were, that is currently not the case.  Nonetheless, I will keep striving towards making that desire a reality.  In the meantime however, I will not berate myself for those time when taking care of family obligations and work responsibilities dictate that the dream of a writer’s life must take a backseat from time to time.

The Octopus Lives

The octopus needs to rest now and again.  But the break is over.  Steadily I rise from the sea floor.  Even as I write this I feel my tentacles flexing.  Time to get back in the groove.

Besos y Abrasos,

V-

Self Discovery,Challenges,Motivation,Writing,Constant Reader,On Writing,Artist

Apr.21

Enter the Muse…

“So the Muse whispered in Beethoven’s ear.  Maybe she hummed a few bars into a million other ears.  But no one else heard her.  Only Beethoven got it.”

– Steven Pressfield, “The War of Art”

Dear Constant Reader,

I recently re-discovered the above passage from Steven Pressfield’s “War of Art”.  It was one of the first books of non-fiction which had a dramatic impact on me as a writer and artist.   And while I had read it many times before, this reading seemed to hold a resonance and impact that was different than the first.

I was introduced to this book about 3 years ago at the recommendation of a then recent acquaintance.  She like myself, was just at the beginning of her path towards self discovery.  Since then she has become a beloved friend, who has grown into such an expansive version of the woman I first met.   I now look at her in awe of all that she has accomplished.   And I have no doubt the Muse holds court at her side.  But, I am sure she would say as much about me and my journey as well.

the-dream-of-the-poet-or-the-kiss-of-the-muse-1859-60-oil-on-canvasbal155451When I first read those lines I was still struggling with defining not just who but also what my passion was as well.  The voice of the Muse was lost to me.  But as I write this, I can confidently say that I know I am a writer and an artist.  I know what my passions are.  In finding that part of myself, I have opened the door to so much more.

I remember having moments when I struggled to make a simple sketch or random doodle on a page.  The inspiration was not there.  And writing…well let’s just say if my struggles in painting left me blind of inspiration, then with my writing there was a defining silence.

However, in reading the above quote, I can now see how much has changed for me.  Ideas come to me like waves crashing against the shore.  Paintings bloom behind my eyes and in my dreams.  And at all times I an beset with the voices of the characters in my stories, who clamor to be made whole on the page.

Where I once struggled with even the concept of a Muse giving divine inspiration, I now lean into her sweet voice, ever present in my ear.  At times I wonder about all the years she stood beside me whispering…willing me to reach…to stive…to create, and all that I could have done if I just listened.

My dear Constant Reader… please know even in this moment she sits at your shoulder willing you to greatness.  Will you wait as I did or will you listen?

Self Discovery,Challenges,Motivation,Writing,Quotes,Constant Reader,On Writing,Artist,Latinas Write Romance

Feb.11

A Writer’s Desk

Any writer can tell you their desk is truly wherever they have a pen and paper…or smart phone or tablet…in hand.  I personally always have a small notebook and pen with me.  Old school habit I guess.   I generally only use my phone in a pinch.

But, when I am home, I have my desk.  There my laptop always sits, readily waiting.

I live in New York.   Brooklyn to be exact, and as you might guess, my space is shall we say…limited.    There is no separate office space.  No room in which I can close the door and be one with my writing.  That is unless I want to lock myself in the bathroom with my laptop…which I don’t.   So, instead I have a corner in my living room which I have made into my own mini writer’s den.  There I have my desk and it is stocked with all the things I love.

Books are all around me… on my desk …under it…in a bookcase off to my left.  I have pencil cups stocked full of pens.  Though I only write with a select few.  Papers and folders and dictionaries…oh my!

And, just for good measure a painted Day of the Dead skull that I lovingly call La Loca, who keeps me company when I write late into the night.

As as painter, I also always feel more inspired when surrounded by images and things that inspire me.  So, I have paintings, sculptures and posters all around that motivate and drive me.  On my walls I have paintings done by my father which he completed as a young man.  Mixed in with those are my own paintings and drawings done by my son.  As well as a poster of one of my favorite paintings by Frida Kahlo.

This little corner is my haven where I dream up stories of love and romance.  I have taken special care in choosing what is there.  Maybe one day I will have a great library and office.  But for now I am happy to type way in my small corner in Brooklyn.

That was just a bit about my writer’s desk. Please check out these other fabulous writers who are also blogging about their writing spaces today, Wednesday, February 11.

Visit them and find out just how different we are and yet how similar. They are:

Del Carmen writes hot, kinky, satisfying erotica.  Visit her at www.mydelcarmen.com

Also writing as Maria Ferrer at

http://marializaferrer.blogspot.com/2015/02/blog-tour-writers-desk.html

Mercedes Cruz writes fun and kinky erotica based on characters living in New York City. Visit her at www.mercedescruz.

Motivation,Writing,On Writing,Art,Artist,Latinas Write Romance

Sep.01

The Journey

I was recently asked two very distinct questions which, once I answered them, gave me a bit of perspective on myself. The first question asked of me was, “What are you thankful for?”

That’s such a loaded question. The possibilities can be infinite. I could say family, friends, my health, the list could go on and on. But after a moment of thinking of all of these things, I responded that I was thankful for my renewed sense of self.

It has taken me almost 2 years of work to get to my current point in my life, both personally and professionally. However, even with that being said I know I will continue to evolve. What I knew of myself this time last year is not what I know of myself today, and I am grateful to know and accept the difference.

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who’ll decide where to go. -Dr. Seuss
The second question asked of me was, “Describe how you came to be the artist you are today.” Or more simply put, “Who are you as an artist?” Again, a question with boundless possibilities for a response. My response was, I am a woman trying to discover herself with my paintings as the medium. I started painting again because I wanted to stop hating my body and my own self-image. It was a means to fall in love with myself. My journey to reach those goals has led me to find a level of work in myself that I didn’t even know I was capable of. But again, my vision and passion as an artist will still continue to grow and evolve with time and experience.

So what is the perspective I gained…it is to not be so worried about the fine lines others may at times ask you to use to define who you are, or what you do. I am many things…mother, wife, artist, writer…none of which can be made to fit a single mold. I can define and re-define what those words mean to me a thousand times over and still not be done. I am a work in progress and my journey has only just begun.

Self Discovery,Challenges,Motivation,Quotes,Art,Artist